I’m proud of myself. I don’t think many of us say that often enough so I will write it again. I am REALLY fricken proud of myself and where I am in life. I am finally able to open my Pandora’s box of memories without fear. I have so enjoyed intentionally recalling my early years – and finding that innocents still lives there regardless of what evils took place.
It has taken time and work to get here. I am in a place that I never dreamed possible. I am celebrating my childhood memories in my own way. For the majority of my life all I could focus on was the terrible traumas. Then I avoided it all together. I hated when my family would start to recall various scenarios. I never knew what was going to trigger me into spiraling into a deep depression. Or which was equally worse – they would recall things that I don’t remember at all. I resented my black hole that my mind created to keep me safe. I feel like it swallowed so much, too much, making me believe that I didn’t have anything good to look back on, that it all must have been terrifying.
Now, I leaf through those pages of my book with a smile. I remember now what my hair felt like, silky and squeaky. I remember the waves of Lake Michigan pulling my feet right from under me. I remember Dad’s cooking and how hard he tried to make something we all were going to enjoy.
I hope that someday you can crack open your own memories around the time that you went through something traumatic and you are able to see the happy moments too. Don’t let anyone or any event steal that from you.
Thanks for being here and for listening…